Sunday, May 15, 2011

Honey Bagers, Life & Love

I cant sleep. I know im not supposed to censor myself on here since no one can see it, and it is just for me to get out everything going on in my head, but im almost afraid to write some things down. If I write them down it makes some things real, even though they are real with or with out me actually putting them down. In the past when I have let people in or even just let people know things that are going on in my life, things tend to fall apart or come back to haunt me in a way. I unfortunatly have had some people come in and out of my life that I trusted who have done things to intentionally harm me emotionally, professionally and the worst physically. So much to the point that I had one of the worst years ever in 2010. But now its a new year and things have done a complete 180. life is actually going well and there is a lot of amazing things that have happened this year. I have the lead in a new feature film, I have an amazing relationship that is making me so happy I can not even begin to express it. I dont want to write more tonight, im just anxious and I know I need to be somewhere i can not be tomorrow and it is killing me inside. I love my HB

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sherpa Say What!

So i have totally not been writing every day like i have been meaning to. i know i know my sherpa Nathan is going to be like Dude Write down what your thinking about and just let it come out as your thinking about. but he is in Italy living with his woman who so it sounds like Hey Write Down What Your Thinking! ( starting off the the words in caps clearly is ment to show how the Italian people have had an effect on Nathan and now he speaks with different inflection in his voice and with his hands more then a gay during pride in nyc) Wow that was a run on thought if i have ever had one.

I like writing about my sherpa because he is also my best friend. almosr 12 years and through all the fun, good, bad, wild, strange and amazeballs times we have had there is no one else i know that has my back more then he does. well my brothers steven and jason and my man Mark, but that is not to down play the importance of Nathan, or my brother from another mother ( hi Cindy ) ( I called her cindy, lol im 31 years old and i have never called her cindy always Mrs. Rogers )

So Nathan moved to Italy when life here hit the fan, and by that i mean SHIT WENT CRAZY in all the bad ways. A few years ago when i almost died and lost my arm he was one of the first faces i remember seeing when i woke up after the surgeries. Which was awesome because my birthday and the Superbowl were around the same time and my bed and all the drugs i was on made me the perfect table for the beer i was not allowed to have and all the food chips and stuff that were enjoyed as i passed out randomly again due to the massive amount of drugs i was on in the hospital ! but even though he was not able to be there with me this time he is always a phone call or skype session away! Thank God he set up skype for me because my dumb ass could not figure it out to save my life, sometimes im about as fast as a special olympic hurdler.

Monday, May 2, 2011

My Sherpa Said Too!!!

first entry in my new blog, eventhough this is not a real blog. meaning there is no plan, layout, theme, or any of the normal things one would think to find when they hear the word blog. But this will be the first of my thoughts on electronic media i guess we should say.

where to start, i have 31 years of things i could start with. i have had more life experiences and life lessions then most people my age so pin pointing one place to start i think would be a bit odd. so i feel like i should start from today and go from there. with the way my mind works im sure all the fun and important parts will get more then covered, infact as my mom said i have no "govenor" or sensor button so im more then confident i will put my foot in my mouth, embarass myself and provide more information about myself then you ever want to know. so mom you may want to stop reading this now..... (Smiley Face)

finding my voice, i feel like this should be a completely different "Thought" entry but my sherpa, Nathan, told me i should just write what ever comes into my head and for some reason finding my voice popped into my head. so in finding my voice i feel i should let you know what it sounds like. Sexy, my voice is sexy! No it is not my vioce is a guy who sees the world as it is but at the same time always tries to see the best in it. Also i realize god has a wicked sense of humor and he gave me the same sense of humor or at least i think im funny, so my voice is often filled with ironic whit and overly obvious statements i think most people think but dont say.

today for instance people are all talking about the death of Osama Bin Ladin, (oh my voice is also the voice of someone who can not type and spell correctly at the same time so thank god my thoughts can be spelled anyway i want them since they are mine) anyway back to Osama and the death heard round the world. I was more then a bit disturbed by the reaction to the news not only by people reporting on the story but also by myself. my first reaction was one of relief, not relief he was dead but because of the way the news was delievered. Sunday night news breaking into your local programing at 10:30 PM is more then a little odd for the timing. I was really nervous that something major had happened on home soil. my feeling of relief was followed by a twinge of fear, then a little sad for his family, then annoyed by some people who were celebrating.

Before the man who would become a terroroist was this monster who spewed hate and intollarance around the world, a man who killed thousands of people with his words litterally and figurativly. Osama was someones little boy, he was someones brother, he was someones friend. People make decisions in their life and they change but they are not born into this world gun whealding hateful people. i just found it wrong that people were pretty much celebrating the death of anyone.

Now i dont want to be missunderstood, the men and the women figting for our freedom and the navy seals who exicuted the mission that ended this mans regin of terror are heros and should be treated as so. the symbolkisim of the day should be looked at and thought of as a good thing. but i also have this underlying fear of what his followers will do. he was dangerous alive as a leader and symbol but he is almost more dangerous in death.

I am impressed with the way they got rid of the physical body of osama by dumping him at sea so he would not be able to become a shrine and martyer for people but someones spirit and impact in death can be just as strong or influential to those who are behind. we can not live our life in fear but i dont think it is wise to ever gloat or think of someone dieing as a victory. he made a lot of bad choices and he hurt a lot of people but in the end he will be standing there before god like everyone else answering for what they did in this life. and as a human being that makes me sad to think about. "I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but i will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiples hate adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness can not drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate only love can do that." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

ok so like i said this is a "thought" entry and sometimes im funny, sometimes im serious, but im always me. who knows i may just enter more thoughts today as they come.